Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
