the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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