She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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