this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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