ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
