I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
