worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
