I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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