Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
