just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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