please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
