I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
