So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize