Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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