hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
