she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
