Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
