Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
