first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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