when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
