____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
