They should really pass out barf bags in church
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
