took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize