Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
