I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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