Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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