You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
