I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Drunk is a universal language darling
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
