I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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