she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
