So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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