The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize