Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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