I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize