Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
