he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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