Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
