Your tits are I can't wait for
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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