I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
