Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
