; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
