i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
