I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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