i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
