Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
