It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
