Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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