I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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