Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
