apparently the secret to your success is patron
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
