i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
