LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
