you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
