Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
