so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You took a bar mat shot.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
