I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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