So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
