I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
