btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
