It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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