wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
