I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
