You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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