Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
