I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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