he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You were trust falling into bushes
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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