FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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