ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize