I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
