Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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