My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Randomize
