don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
