Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
