I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
