I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
