The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
