I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
