if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize