The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
