the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
