she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
