I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
