Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
