I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
