Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
