she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
