forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
