We got so high we made milksteak
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
