Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
