he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
