Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i think my mom watched the whole time
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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