I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
