My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
