Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
