I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There r osticjed everywhere
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
