im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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