she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
