So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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